these past few weeks since i last posted have been rather busy. although there are some who would do otherwise, i will not try to post a summary of what has happened because, frankly, i don't remember everything that happened. what i will do is try to think about what is coming up and write about that.
we are a little more than halfway done with the semester now, and i am disliking school more than ever. i can't wait until i have graduated and can have a change to simply work and be at home without having to go to class and such. and for all those people in this situation who are laughing at my naivety, too bad. its a dream that i am looking forward to. it does no good telling people to enjoy their current life situation because soemthing harder is coming up: all that does is make it impossible to enjoy the moment because you are dreading the future. people need something to look forward to, even if that something isn't real. without hope that tomorrow will be better in some way (even if its only that its not today), we lose our reason for living. personally, i want to have the hope that somehow my problems will go away, and that tomorrow will be a better day. yes, i realize that this is foolish, but i have seen with myself that, if i dwell on how bad tomorrow is going to be, i get extremely depressed, and tomorrow ends up sucking. bring on the fantasy.
oh, there is so much that i wish were better. i want to be better at school, better at home, and better to myself. is there anything else i have left out? probably. what is dwelling most on my mind right now is better to myself. i feel like i have not been treating my body well the past few months, and really since i got back from my mission. this became especially clear to me today when i got dressed. i was buttoning my pants when i realized how tight they have become. admittedly, sunday clothes are less forgiving than casual clothes, but still, i am in trouble if i can't fit any of my sunday clothes. i have gained a lot of weight, and although i continually tell myself that i need to get back in shape, i have continued to become more amorphous (not in shape). unfortunately, i don't have a solution or any inkling of what i am going to do. the time needed to work out just doesn't seem to be in my schedule. at this point i think my only option is to wake up an extra half hour early so i can go to the exercise room at cambridge court and go running.
well, time to sign off again. until next time (^_^)
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